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keeping it semi real, promoting conservativism, taking potshots at fools, democrats, liberals, the left, know it alls, hillary clinton, the dnc, etc., quality reviews of models, pundits and blogs "Hillary talks so fast that listening to her is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages." "I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine." "The only summit meeting that can succeed is the one that does not take place." "When I'm not a politician, I'll be dead." "I think every good Christian ought to kick Hillary right in the ass." "I wouldn't trust Hillary from here to that phone." 
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The proposal by the CEOs of the Big Three automakers to work for $1 a year has gone over like a lead balloon with taxpayers, a new survey shows, with a clear majority believing that the car bosses do not deserve such a bloated salary. The University of Minnesota/Opinion Research Institute poll released today shows that 87% of those surveyed "strongly agree" with the statement, "If the CEOs of General Motors, Ford and Chrysler earned $1 a year they would be egregiously overpaid." But according to the University of Minnesota's Davis Logsdon, the poll numbers do contain some good news for the embattled CEOS: "While taxpayers do not want to pay each of them $1 a year, there is a consensus that the three gentlemen deserve to share a single $1 salary between them." When asked how the three auto execs should divvy up their $1 payday, the poll yielded interesting results: "People believe that the Ford guy and the Chrysler guy should each get 45 cents and the GM should only get 10 cents, because the whole Hummer thing was just retarded." 
In a landmark deal that could provide much-needed cash to America's anemic economy, China agreed today to acquire the naming rights to the U.S. for a reported $1.4 trillion. The deal, which is expected to be signed by President George W. Bush and Chinese President Hu Jintao sometime before Inauguration Day on January 20, was hailed today by Mr. Bush as a "win-win" for both countries. "We get 1.4 trillion dollars, and all we have to do is change our name to ‘Panda Garden,'" Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House. The president said he decided to make the extraordinary deal after being shocked to learn that the U.S. was in a recession, when it was reported yesterday in Duh magazine. According to President Hu, the Chinese had originally inquired about purchasing the rights to two American sports facilities named after troubled companies, Ford Field in Detroit and Citi Field in New York, but then decided it might be more cost-efficient to buy the rights "to the whole shebang." In addition to the $1.4 trillion, the Chinese government said that it would provide $10 million to commission a new national anthem that would somehow incorporate the words "Panda Garden" in the lyrics, and to redesign the nation's flag, which will henceforth be known as "the stars, stripes, and adorable bear."   In the first two weeks since the election, President-elect Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the past eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say. Millions of Americans who watched Mr. Obama's appearance on CBS' "Sixty Minutes" on Sunday witnessed the president-elect's unorthodox verbal tick, which had Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opened his mouth. But Mr. Obama's decision to use complete sentences in his public pronouncements carries with it certain risks, since after the last eight years many Americans may find his odd speaking style jarring. According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, some Americans might find it "alienating" to have a President who speaks English as if it were his first language. "Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement," says Mr. Logsdon. "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist." The historian said that if Mr. Obama insists on using complete sentences in his speeches, the public may find itself saying, "Okay, subject, predicate, subject predicate - we get it, stop showing off." The President-elect's stubborn insistence on using complete sentences has already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska. "Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are needing also," she said. 
| In what is being called one of the most daring escape attempts in the history of law enforcement, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich today offered the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama to the FBI agent who took him into Federal custody this morning. According to U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, the astonishing escape attempt occurred moments after Mr. Blagojevich was handcuffed by the agent, who was wearing a wire and captured the entire expletive-laden offer on tape. "'You can be the [bleeping] junior Senator from [bleeping] Illinois if you let me out of these [bleeping] handcuffs,'" Mr. Fitzgerald read from a transcript. "'And if that mother-[bleeper] Barack Obama tries to [bleep] with me, I'll [bleep] him up.'" According to Mr. Fitzgerald, "When I say ‘bleep,' he didn't really say ‘bleep' on the tape," adding, "I'm going to keep making that joke until one of you [bleepers] laughs at it." Gov. Blagojevich has been charged with a laundry list of Federal crimes, including stealing his haircut from the dad on "The Brady Bunch." 
As President-elect Barack Obama continues to assemble his "team of rivals" by filling Cabinet positions with former political opponents, he has drawn the ire of one self-styled rival who feels he has been unfairly overlooked: Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH). Speaking to reporters in Washington today, a furious Mr. Kucinich said that it was "unfair and insane" for Mr. Obama to spurn him for a Cabinet post, saying, "I was as rivalish or more so than a lot of the so-called rivals he's chosen." The Ohio Democrat served up this stern reminder to the rival-fancying President-elect: "In your inexorable rise to become President, let's not forget that the first body you climbed over was that of Dennis J. Kucinich." With most of the Cabinet posts having already gone to more prominent rivals such as Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and Gov. Bill Richardson (D-NM), Mr. Kucinich's statements were widely seen as a Hail Mary bid to become Postmaster General. When asked about a potential role for Mr. Kucinich in his Administration, Mr. Obama said today that the Ohio congressman would not make the cut for his team of rivals, but added that he would be announcing a "JV team of rivals" some time in late February.  Continuing in his quest to assemble a so-called "team of rivals," President-elect Barack Obama today announced that he would name Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston to key Cabinet positions. The two actresses, who have been perennial tabloid fodder as a result of their longstanding feud over actor Brad Pitt, were surprise choices for Mr. Obama's Cabinet, since neither of them has been a government official or even portrayed one in a movie. But in his weekly Internet address, the President-elect explained his rationale for choosing the sworn enemies to his Cabinet: "I chose Jennifer and Angelina for the same reason I have chosen every other Cabinet member: they clearly despise each other with a passion." 
Cat fight between these two anyone? While Mr. Obama was vague about which Cabinet positions the two actresses would ultimately hold, insiders said that Ms. Jolie was a shoo-in for Secretary of Labor. Doris Kearns Goodwin, historian and author of the book Team of Rivals, said that she was "thrilled" by the selection of the two actresses to Mr. Obama's Cabinet. "Every time someone says ‘team of rivals,' I sell another book on Amazon," she said. "Team of rivals, team of rivals, team of rivals."  |
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